Re: Personal and Confidential

I have to tell you point blank in no uncertain terms with deepest concern for what I see as _______?________'s Border Line Personality Disorder and all which that illness entails, that_____?______?_____ literally has a purse full of assorted prescription medications stashed away including whatever may be left from the upwards of the five hundred lorazapam s/he procured on her own accord from my mom’s bathroom. You will understand s/he won’t under any circumstances confess to these facts, but it is my duty as the human being whom has nursed s/he for the last ten years to make it known upfront to the professionals now seeing to needs, however guarded from the truth  she remains.

This is not conjecture but the facts as I have been exposed to them, and hence have been encouraged to share in accordance with the teachings as provided from the Trellis Family Education course. Taking the drugs mentioned above may well seem helpful for her in her mind to deal with the passive projective among other styles of anger, although I think we can agree this is a dangerous situation when it comes to over indulging or being in a depressed state, especially being the recent path she has embarked upon rather than face reality, and too knowing the impact the Christmas season historically has on her (past overdose). Mention is prudent also about drinking alcohol while self medicating with whatever substances are available, that this is probably not the best way to pass the days in so becoming horizontally numbed on the couch. It should be considered as prudent to realize that the term suicidal has been expressed to me by s/he on more than one occasion, but that I am no longer in a position to watch over s/he, nor am I confident s/he peers are stable enough to provide any sound influence or care.

There has been a very long list of conditions and alternate diagnosis for s/he over a great deal of time, but the fear of a label like Border Line Personality Disorder possibly facilitating the loss of the children will no doubt discourage s/he from continuing the treatment so desperately required, and I wish not to detour s/he from that treatment by way of this conveyance becoming known to s/he, given what only appears as the sincere efforts of late. This persons sister bravely shared that she herself was sexually abused by their father when a child, for what it is worth? I hope you will comprehend that s/he family is far removed from the reality both geographically and intellectually, that s/he feels s/he must portray oneself to them as the success story of her family and or they maintain a form of denial.

It seems s/he is theirr own worst enemy when it comes to health concerns, removing stability at the most crucial junctures. For instance, one would think if two pots of coffee may give you heart palpitations you would switch to tea and quite smoking, but go figure how cross addiction works? By the same token, having just put “family” support counselling into place on several fronts why would one elect to prematurely dissolve a union once the primary issues have been identified, other than to avoid being entirely exposed or otherwise put on the spot to perform realistically? Self destruction and or mutilation seems to manifest itself physically as well as mentally.

I am not professing to be perfect or that I have not made mistakes in my dealings with this encounter, however, there is a fine line between being judgmental, condescending and defamation when a family member (partner) is trying their very best to provide incentive for the clients benefit towards healthy living. A very common theme for facilitating recovery is the involvement of the client in regular life activities such as volunteering / working and building skills that otherwise remain dormant and, hence building an entirely new reality which is “liveable for the client”. Supporting this train of thought even once having discussed it openly and coherently with my partner proved frustrating to engage but was not the end of the world for me as a care-giver, yet is far from easy to understand why the client sabotages every available avenue towards a good end, in order to, presumably in an unconscious manor, prove the point of the clients worthlessness which intern reinforces the instability further. Personally I remain at a loss as to how to enlighten the client to this masochistic cycle. On one hand for the family member (partner) to say and do nothing that is disapproving suggest it is fine for the client to carry on with the ugly cycle, and on the other hand in having an input is used by the client to further enforce the degrading trend within the clients manifestation. Over all it is as if the client is trying to get the family member to throw ones hands up and walk away, why, to seal the perception of betrayal, abandonment or worthlessness as seems to be the goal to achieve and reinforce within their world.  There is also the possibility that the internal conflict has become too great to deal with for the client, and so to remove the guilt of hurting good meaning people any more, to remove them from the equation is viewed as an act of compassion, if there is in fact loving forces at work. When such as this client has all s/he relatives disapproving of the life partner, the children don’t want structure and boundaries as the result of the partners influence and so disapprove of the union also, and the children’s other biological parent is applying pressure as the result of the kids “stories”, that amounts to a great deal of pressure for the client who is unwell to start with, the only passive projective outlet being the life partner, reinforcing what might be the thinking for doing the compassionate action of dissolving the union via the above mentioned thought process..

You will understand that in recognising what I see as their great amount of sophistication and intelligence, I had explained to s/he everyone has every right to make choices for themrself and is responsible for the consequences of the same for themself and the children. Over time we had often spoken of breaking the cycle which naturally tends to be passed on to children over generations, the point of which somehow kept getting lost in space. Too, my having set many boundaries regarding s/he and the children’s behaviour, for my own self care over the past year has proved to be very offensive from their point of view, and more so manipulated by and for the kids to satisfy their own designs in knowing how to work their parents weakness’. I eminently love them all regardless of their delusions as presented. Their interpretation of the same as provided to ignorant others in  life, whom are still willing to provide the sympathies and attention s/he had no doubt learned to become accustomed to from a time when a young child while being the youngest in a large dysfunctional family, is a catch 22 for want of a better term. Without judgement, I have seen the challenges people with addictions and mental health afflictions have overcome, and if she does not reach rock bottom or wish to apply herself fully and completely then all really is for naught. In all fairness, there is a good possibility of a mental block or denial at the root level, that would be necessary to see in order to acknowledge the full degree of the disorders, before healing can realistically begin for them, as such explaining why there has been very little if no progress in treatment despite so much effort on s/he part. CBT is an extremely heard task I know, and without the obscured facts being visible this treatment must prove imposable?

It is with my utmost confidence in your professions that I am trusting in your combined consulting in order to assist s/he in her path of recovery. It is a given that you are unable to provide me with information related to the patient, yet I am aware that for me to give you the information gathered as a life partner on the front lines, in the better interest of the client can only assist in helping. In the event that s/he becomes Formed, I can be reached at my phone# should s/he elect this course or the children require “responsible adult” attention.

With Love, Compassion and Self Care I Remain.